3 Phrases Every Kid Wants To Hear

We often think that helping our kids means solving problems, giving advice, or keeping things under control. Actually, some of the most powerful parenting tools aren’t solutions at all - they’re words. Words that invite connection, regulation, and trust - the good stuff of any secure relationship. 

Here are three simple phrases that can change the way your child experiences your support, especially in hard moments:

1. “It makes sense why you would feel this way.”

When kids are upset, our instinct might be to minimize, fix, or redirect. While well-meaning, it can leave children feeling dismissed. This phrase simply tells your child that their emotional world is real, understandable, and allowed. It’s a way of saying: You’re not wrong. I’m open to how you see it. Your feelings are welcome here. It doesn’t mean you view things in the same way - validation is not agreement. It does mean you’re making space for their perspective and emotions to exist. 

2. “Do you want me to listen or weigh in?”

When children (especially tweens and teens) open up, they’re often not looking for advice, they’re looking for understanding. This question gives them the power to name what kind of support they need and helps to direct us accordingly. It encourages them to pause and check in with themselves, models healthy emotional boundaries, and lets them know it’s okay to ask for what they want in relationships. These are the skills we want them to practice and carry into adulthood. 

3. “I’ll support you even if this doesn’t go how I hoped.”

This one is a reminder to them that your love isn’t conditional or performance-based. That your support isn’t contingent on the outcome. Different than an endorsement, this phrase communicates that we will be there as a steady presence, even in failure and disappointment. It allows kids the freedom to explore, which builds their self-trust, confidence, and resilience.

Listen, parenting is complex and layered and exhausting, and there are no magic words. But these simple phrases can create soft landings. They can assure your child that your relationship can hold hard things and that they don’t have to hide their feelings to be safe with you. Try them.